Bewritings

New Year’s Eve has never been my favourite holiday. It has never lived up to my expectations and I’m usually left feeling underwhelmed. And a bit sad, actually.

When I was younger, I would spend December 31st at my nan’s house, with most of my extended family. I remember these evenings being chaotic and eventful, but ultimately so much fun. Now, at 21, I don’t remember many specifics of these New Year’s Eves, but I still get a chuckle out of some of the old photos. A personal highlight is the year we all decided to dress up, and this was before the era of everything being airbrushed for social media, so the costumes were… unrefined to say the least. I was in a leopard onesie with a side parting so intense it looked like a combover. I’m not even completely sure what my sister is, she has a top hat covered in tin foil and chains. Lady Gaga? The Mad Hatter? Steampunk Willy Wonka? I’ll cut her some slack as we were 11 at the time. Regardless of all that, these photos are some of my favourites from any New Year’s Eve.

Since COVID-19 and university, we don’t have our big family NYE gatherings anymore. Some of my cousins have their own families now and as we all get older, no one is really as bothered about NYE anymore. So, naturally, like most 18-25-year-olds, I wanted to have a big NYE party that everyone would remember. Think of the party scene in The Great Gatsby (with less Leo and more tequila). The irony is I don’t actually go out clubbing or partying very much anymore, I much prefer a bar or pub meet-up. But, for some reason, I have always felt as though I was missing out with NYE. There was something about knowing most of the world is celebrating alongside you, whilst being able to kick off a new year in a positive, exciting way, that really appealed to me.

I did one night out for NYE a couple years ago and had a brilliant time, but a local bar wasn’t my idea of a star-spangled NYE bash. I’m pretty sure I was being flirted with by a man older than my dad. But, we did manage to get into a VIP area for free. So there were wins and losses.

Regardless of how I spend NYE though, I always end the night feeling a bit deflated. My mind usually wanders to all the things I didn’t accomplish the year before, leading to me putting a lot of pressure on myself to be better the next. Unsurprisingly, I never accomplish everything on my unattainable list, and the cycle begins again. It is never overwhelmingly upsetting, just a little twinge in my stomach.

Time is moving so quickly. I can’t stop myself getting older. I didn’t accomplish enough this year. My best years are flying by me…

Okay, I can see how that sounds like more than a twinge but these thoughts are usually pretty easy to brush aside. But they are still irritating nonetheless. So, I was adamant about spending this NYE having fun, as when I’m just sitting at home these thoughts are just that little bit harder to ignore. I wanted to see my friends, go somewhere new and just have a really cool weekend. I wanted to set the tone for 2024, you know?

But, it just wasn’t meant to be, my weekend plans crumbled the Friday before, and I was really disappointed. I spent a bit of time feeling sorry for myself initially, partly because I was upset and partly because I felt as though I had let my friends down. After that, however, I was still determined to have a good NYE.

So, I spent the weekend looking after myself. Journalling, organising my space, a vision board for 2024 (that is much less rigid than my previous ones) and a nice relaxing pamper. I felt great! It was a lovely way to kick off 2024 and I’m glad I didn’t just spend the weekend in bed playing solitaire on my phone. (Been there, done that.) More surprisingly, the dreaded ‘twinge’ I mentioned earlier didn’t make an appearance at all! That was a first for me.

This then led me to wonder why we put so much pressure on NYE. All of my social media platforms have been overrun by “How I’m Preparing for 2024” videos and the “Ins and Outs for 2024.” For the record, I think these sorts of things are great, a new year can be a great time to reflect and prioritize. I did many of these things myself this weekend. I think the problem lies in the mindset that often accompanies them.

Let me explain. Last year, one of my resolutions was to travel more. I didn’t go abroad once. Off the top of my head, the extent of my travelling included Manchester, Dorset, Brighton, London and Kent. I went to university in Brighton, work in London and live in Kent. So, it is safe to say that I didn’t reach that goal. Which I let myself feel bad about like I hadn’t spent my time and money well enough. I also didn’t read as many books as planned, save any money, or pick back up Spanish. So, in early December, when I revisited the journal page my resolutions were on, I felt very deflated.

But, this disregarded all the amazing things I did accomplish in 2023. I graduated, learnt more about myself, got my first full-time job, was surrounded by my amazing friends and family, hosted a charity event to promote literacy… the list goes on. However, most of these things were not on my 2023 resolutions.

So, this year, I created a much more fluid vision board. The general gist is: be kinder to myself (mentally and physically), focus more time on developing my creativity, have fun and save money (I couldn’t get rid of this one- I need to move out one day!)

I think the pressure that comes with starting a new year is mostly self-inflicted- in my case anyway. I’m not spending NYE looking at other people thinking ‘They did so much better than me.’ The feeling is more along the lines of, I wanted to be this person by 2024 and I’m not… SHAME! I know other people feel the same this time of year, so external pressures do obviously play a part in it. I’m not sure why it is deemed a logical thing to consider one lap around the sun the ideal time to become perfect, but that essentially is what we’re doing.

NYE can be a great time to reflect and practice gratitude for the year passed. It can also be a great time to refocus and prepare for the next year, actively working on self-improvement is a great thing! But, for me, the best way to chase away the NYE blues is to remember that progress often cannot be put in a time frame. You don’t have to have it all figured out by the time December 31st rolls around to have had a “successful year.” Personal growth is more important than success anyway and can be considered a success in itself.

What I’m trying to get at is, there is a huge difference between these two mindsets:

I have to complete all these things, down to the minor details, to have a successful 2024. 

Having more of a focus on these things will make me happy and help me grow in 2024. 

You can celebrate New Year’s Eve however you wish, you might not even have any resolutions. But if are like me who finds the end of the year really daunting, this change in mindset makes all the difference.